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Is Your Family Like a Norman Rockwell Portrait...

 By: Connie J..., October 21, 2024

...or are you REALLY living ON the back of the picture??!


I HONESTLY, thought, growing up and into my 30s - in spite of ALL that I knew about my family's dysfunctional state - that I grew up in a "Norman Rockwell family portrait".


As I progressed into my "Healing Process", and started to see things realistically, I was amazed to learn that it wasn't.


My life was more like the back of the photo - blank, plain, dull and drab. No splashes of color. Nothing - even the frame was icky.

...or are you REALLY living ON the back of the picture??!


I HONESTLY, thought, growing up and into my 30s - in spite of ALL that I knew about my family's dysfunctional state - that I grew up in a "Norman Rockwell family portrait".


As I progressed into my "Healing Process", and started to see things realistically, I was amazed to learn that it wasn't.


My life was more like the back of the photo - blank, plain, dull and drab. No splashes of color. Nothing - even the frame was icky.

But, if anyone from "the outside" asked, my life was perfect. "Well, yes, 'X' may have happened, when I was younger; but isn't that normal in ALL families?" Or, "Yes, my Father MAY have done 'Y'; but his Mother died when he was 14, so it's not really his fault, right??!"


Even as far as having a conversation with a co-worker about the fact that I was purposely cutting myself - "but it's no big deal, it just makes me feel better." I thought I was perfectly ok - on the outside.



Inside, I knew things weren't ok; but I was told so much, that, "What happens in our house, stays in our house." Ok??!

Yeah, about that - until September 19, 1992; when I learned a MAJOR family truth (that I had honestly figured out, myself, YEARS before this). I was basically numb, for about a week - then, on September 26, 1992 - I got "ALL THE FEELS", at once!!! This "episode" ended with me spending the mandatory 72 hours of observation. I didn't know exactly what I needed - but learned, quickly, that this place was NOT IT!!!


I floundered a bit, seeing a counselor the hospital had set up for me; saw her for a YEAR.


However, in the meantime - December, 1992, I met my current Counselor. I was fascinated by this woman. I really felt like she saw clear into me - and could see all my bad, but did NOT turn away.


She saw "my portrait" (the real one) and extended her hand to me, and we are even more "connected", than ever, today. She has helped guide me on this "process", for over half my life; and she and her husband are part of my "New and Improved Family Portrait" - a real, healthy picture in which you can see my beautiful scars, and all the damage that was done - and it can be used to let you know you're OK; we're all damaged, but beautiful, just the same.




How's YOUR portrait looking? Is it realistic? Or, are you drab and dull - like on the back? Are you ready to start making changes?

Thank you, and have a good day, and be safe... #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #besafe #dviseverywhere #domesticviolence #growin2024 #awareness #protectyourself


***October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please share this post, no matter what month it is, to help get the word out. The Victim has to make the choice - but, "What If..." they read something you sent them, and it just "clicks"?***


*I would love the opportunity to share YOUR ideas in a Blog post. Please send them to Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com; or through Ozer email, ozerministries@att.net.

PREVIOUS POSTS

By Connie J... March 17, 2025
...just bouncing from event, to event, in your life? Sometimes, that's how I feel. I am very "date triggered" - and the irony is, that this started AFTER I began my healing process in 1992. The first big date I remember, after that, is December 27, 1995 - the day my Grandma died. Some of these dates, while still major, I am able to work; others they still hit so hard, I can't work. I take the day off to remember, and reflect. One example, 9/11/01 ‐ I worked it '02-'04; but in '05, after going to work in the AFTERNOON of '04, and mentioning it to someone, and they said, "Oh yeah, that IS today, isn't it?" - I vowed to never work another 9/11 - and haven't. While I DO respect everyone's right to how they think and feel - I will NEVER forget, nor will I work that day. I feel like it's MY job to remember. I think part of it is, growing up, everything that was traumatic, you just swept under the rug and moved on - it was never processed. I have now learned to process EVERYTHING; and am able to prioritize what matters to me. Many people don't understand why I do what I do; but that doesn't bother me - and what few people DO understand, while I may "honor" certain dates by pausing to reflect and remember - I HAVE moved on from them, and this is all part of MY process to do just that. I am ok; and doing what I NEED TO DO in my life. No one else can control me - THAT IS HUGE!!! Being controlled by someone else's responses, moods, feelings, etc, is a DIRECT result of growing up in a Domestic Violence situation; and I am NOT that person, anymore. So, if I "Pinball" my way through life, so be it. I have a CHOICE with EVERY target I bounce off of.  Does any of this connect to something in your very soul? We would love to hear YOUR thoughts on being a "Pinball"... Thank you, have a good day and be safe... #beaware #growinto2025 ##domesticviolenceiseverywhere #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou everybodyknowsomebody #besafe ***October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please share this post, no matter what month it is, to help get the word out. The Victim has to make the choice - but, "What If..." they read something you sent them, and it just "clicks"?*** *I would love the opportunity to share YOUR ideas in a Blog post. Please send them to Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com ; or through Ozer email, ozerministries@att.net .
By Connie J... March 10, 2025
Have been thinking a LOT about this, lately. I recently spent some time with a close friend, and they made a comment, that in the past, would have changed my whole "thought-process trajectory". Pretty much any response they made to ANY expression of how I felt, about many things, would cause me to just adapt MY feelings - and shut them down, basically; thereby, making myself smaller, and invalidating how I felt - sound familiar??! I really care about them; and I want them to really see, and understand me, like I THOUGHT they did at one point. But, life has taken us different directions; and I wonder if we ever really had that relationship I believed we did. Was it ALL in my head??! Which brings me to "Growth Spurts". In that recent conversation, they shared that something I was doing made them feel like I was giving a "canned, impersonal response". I told them, if that's what they really believed; then they didn't know me as well as I thought they did - but I did NOT back down!!! Although, it DID take me a couple days, to get my groove back; did I mention that I DID NOT BACK DOWN??! That, my Friend, was a major "Growth Spurt"!!! When something happens, and you can look in the past and realize you responded differently "than you always did" - THAT'S a "Growth Spurt"!!! Have you ever had that kind of thing happen? I hope so - in looking back, how long did it take YOU to figure out that growth? Not gonna lie, it sometimes takes me a minute (or seven)...but then, there's that moment of euphoria, that just takes your breath away. The down-side, it's often followed by a major choice - are you going to stay in that growth, and keep growing; or are you going to revert back to old habits - which never quite satisfy, from that point on?  Just remember, you DO always have a choice...choose wisely!!! Happy Growth Spurts!!! Thank you, have a good day and be safe... #beaware #growinto2025 ##domesticviolenceiseverywhere #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou everybodyknowsomebody #besafe ***October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please share this post, no matter what month it is, to help get the word out. The Victim has to make the choice - but, "What If..." they read something you sent them, and it just "clicks"?*** *I would love the opportunity to share YOUR ideas in a Blog post. Please send them to Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com ; or through Ozer email, ozerministries@att.net .
By Connie J... March 3, 2025
...wrong time. Ever been there??! My thought process for this - I was 20, at a gas station putting air in my tires. I had just filled both on the driver's side, as a car pulled up on the passenger side, really close - where I happened to be standing. There was plenty of room for me to stand there, safely, until they backed out - or so I thought!!! While backing out, they turned their wheel too sharply - knocking me to the ground, and scraping the entire side of my car!!! They, quickly pulled back in, while I was getting to my feet, and asked if I was ok. I said, "Yes"; and let them leave. I was basically in shock, right??! While I AM very happy I wasn't crouched down, filling a tire, at that moment, and it WAS an older car (my Mother called it "The Bronze Bomber"; so comparing before/after, damage was honestly minimal), AND I wasn't hurt - I still wish so many things: - they hadn't scraped my car - I had been on other side, so not knocked down - had maybe seen about their insurance info, etc, but I didn't - maybe held them accountable? - I had taken more time to CARE about MYSELF in that moment - they were a couple of kids; and I was more worried about them - even though I WAS THE ONE LAYING ON THE GROUND...sitting here, right now - I can recall so many situations with me having the same type of reaction, throughout my life!!! Have you ever had a similar type of situation happen to you? With Domestic Violence, you often don't know when your partner is going to go off. They seem to let the "big things" go; but blow up at the tiniest situations. Hmmmmm...insightful moment - that explains it - I grew up in that environment, and learned it very well, apparently. Wow!!! I knew I was a "recovering rage-aholic"; just hadn't looked at that situation from this perspective. Live and learn, right??! Let's GROW!!! Thank you, have a good day and be safe... #beaware #growinto2025 ##domesticviolenceiseverywhere #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou everybodyknowsomebody #besafe ***October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please share this post, no matter what month it is, to help get the word out. The Victim has to make the choice - but, "What If..." they read something you sent them, and it just "clicks"?*** *I would love the opportunity to share YOUR ideas in a Blog post. Please send them to Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com ; or through Ozer email, ozerministries@att.net .
By Connie J... February 24, 2025
...with all of this chaos in my life??! While I THOUGHT I thrived in it - it was slowly, and methodically, eating me alive. This was one of THE HARDEST lessons for me to learn. I'm an extremely deep thinker; and I feel things to my very core. Every single thought in my head was screaming to be heard, at once; and I was in such all-consuming, emotional pain. Gratitude was THE FURTHEST thing from my mind!!! While on one of my "anger/confused" rants, (that had kind of become "my thing"), my friend grabbed both sides of my face in her hands, and said, "WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR??!" (Hysterically, she was literally across the country, and we were on the phone - but this is my story, and I'm sticking to it!!!) It caught my attention, and stopped my rant dead in it's tracks; thus beginning my "grateful sojourn". While I don't remember what I answered; it did the trick - knocked my rant right off its' axis!!! You can listen to what people say, advice, etc, for years - but then one day, something someone says will just "CLICK" that switch inside you; and your whole life will change. Are you ready to have YOUR "switch" clicked? Are you exhausted from all that internal chaos consuming you, day by day? True change begins inside you - I encourage you, as soon as your eyes open (or even before), to think of ONE thing you can be grateful for, in your life.  It doesn't mean your life will necessarily change, in that instant; but what have you got to lose? Just start - and see what happens... Thank you, have a good day and be safe... #beaware #growinto2025 ##domesticviolenceiseverywhere #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou everybodyknowsomebody #besafe ***October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please share this post, no matter what month it is, to help get the word out. The Victim has to make the choice - but, "What If..." they read something you sent them, and it just "clicks"?*** *I would love the opportunity to share YOUR ideas in a Blog post. Please send them to Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com ; or through Ozer email, ozerministries@att.net .
By Connie J... February 17, 2025
...is my metaphor for life. Remember the old vaudeville shows - just about every one I saw on TV, had a "plate spinner". They had china plates on long bamboo poles - the goal was to keep them spinning, so they didn't crash down on them. This is how I view life - we're all just trying to keep our "plates" spinning: - family - self - job - charity work - friends - whatever other responsibilities we have - etc The list goes on and on - and some days, all we have time to do is clean up "crashed plates" - because our focus isn't where it needs to be. We are only human, with only 24 hours in a day - if you're spreading yourself too thin, because you "HAVE TO" get all this done - maybe it's time to re-evaluate your priorities? No doubt, there ARE things that "HAVE TO" get done, every day; but, if you look at your list - can it be trimmed, or readjusted? Add to that, if you ARE in a Domestic Violence situation, is your list of priorities YOUR list; or someone else's, just trying to keep you off-balance, and cleaning up "crashed plates", on purpose? I encourage you to take some time to think about this, and do a little re-evaluating - it CAN change your life... Thank you, have a good day and be safe... #beaware #growinto2025 ##domesticviolenceiseverywhere #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou everybodyknowsomebody #besafe ***October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please share this post, no matter what month it is, to help get the word out. The Victim has to make the choice - but, "What If..." they read something you sent them, and it just "clicks"?*** *I would love the opportunity to share YOUR ideas in a Blog post. Please send them to Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com ; or through Ozer email, ozerministries@att.net .
By Connie J... February 10, 2025
I recently had a situation, where I felt COMPLETELY unvalued, and taken advantage by a friend - and it hurt, made me angry and just left me totally confused. I didn't get a chance to talk to them, the day it happened (want to do it in person); and have to wait til next month. Am utilizing this time to: 1 - process my hurt 2 - process my anger 3 - clear up any confusion in me 4 - figure out MY part in what happened 5 - come up with a clear plan to work with this person to attempt to not have this happen, again (understand there is NO guarantee) 6 - contemplate what "consequences" if it does happen again I have to look at all the factors involved - and take my responsibility, and there is some. I can be lenient, sometimes, with friends - but I have to hold US accountable in the roles we played in this incident, realistically. I have been very clear on my expectations - but, as I said, can be lenient on friends, at times - that's on me. But, moving forward, I know I do not deserve to be put in the position I was, that day. Have you ever felt this way after a negative interaction with someone, especially a friend? Any insight? How did you handle it? Were there things you wish you could/would have done differently? Would LOVE to hear some of YOUR insights... Thank you, have a good day and be safe... #beaware #growinto2025 ##domesticviolenceiseverywhere #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou everybodyknowsomebody #besafe ***October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please share this post, no matter what month it is, to help get the word out. The Victim has to make the choice - but, "What If..." they read something you sent them, and it just "clicks"?***  *I would love the opportunity to share YOUR ideas in a Blog post. Please send them to Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com; or through Ozer email, ozerministries@att.net.
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