...on Domestic Violence. Dear Mommy and Daddy, I can't understand Why you fight when my Daddy comes home He walks in the door, you ask where he's been And BOOM - out the door, he's gone, again It makes me so sad in my little heart 'Cause he's already not home, so much I need him to stay here - to sit on his lap And his stubby face to touch So when he comes home, please don't ask where he's been 'Cause you know how it makes him so mad And I would really like him to stay home, for awhile Please, let me spend more time with my Dad??! Love, Connie... This was written for an Art Project I made, one year; but, it WAS most of my younger life. I know, now, that it wasn't my Mother's fault - but I blamed her, for so MANY years, because I WAS able to be angry with HER.  It's actually very common for the abusive parent to blame the more passive parent - whether directly, or in more subtle ways. Incidentally, as I was typing this out, I had flashes of situations in my current life, where I am still affected. When people ask me, "Where were you?", there's still a smidgen of a trigger. My first thought is - I'm a grown woman, it's none of your business; then I remember it CAN BE a legitimate question - not an inquisition.

- thinker - sharer - achiever - doer - analyzer - criticizer - stayer - codependent - comer My recovery has not come without hard work and sacrifices; and will be woven into the ever-evolving patchwork of my life. As I always say, "Choices must be made...", sometimes daily, by the minute, etc; but it IS possible for ANYONE to become an "Over...", too. My list is, also, NOT exhaustive - what are some of your "Overs...", even things you may be either still working on, or with which you are struggling? I encourage you to keep striving toward this goal... We would LOVE to hear any insight you might have. Please contact the ministry via this website; or email us at Ozer Ministries, Inc - ozerministries@att.net ; or my email - Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com . Have a good day, and be safe!!! #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou #domesticviolenceiseverywhere #youarenotalone #doyouknow #over

I recently had a situation happen, with someone I consider to be close. I have asked them to not speak FOR me, numerous times, when someone asks ME a question. We, again, had the same scenario about a month ago. When it happened, before, I called them as I was leaving the venue, expressing my anger and frustration (they had left before I did). Well - fast forward to almost exactly a year, later - BAM, same thing happened. I just spoke to them, this week, after almost a month. I have been working on what to say, all this time - in writing; but I realized, that me taking any more time, seemed a bit cruel, as I usually speak to them at least once or twice a week. So, I called them the other night (they had texted me, "How's it going?", almost a week ago); and what I wanted to say came out clearly, just the way I wanted it. Their response was an apology - they didn't realize was angry, followed by, "I'll try." When I awoke the next day, my thought process was that, "I'll try", is like a child when caught doing something wrong, asking, "Please Mommy, can I have one more chance??!". It did NOT sit well with me, at all. They are an adult. I realize I cannot control what another person does, or says - only how I react/don't react to a situation. As I have previously blogged, I am working the "Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins, into my "life toolbox". The first part is "Let Them" do what they're going to do; ah, but that second part is, "Let ME do what I NEED to do". This is where Boundaries enter the situation. See, letting them be who they are, does NOT give them carte blanche to treat you however they want and you just lie there, like a doormat. You need to work out, and inform THEM, in advance, "if you do A, B will happen". Just like should be done with children. Also, I was VERRRRRRY angry at first - that's why I wanted to wait until I wasn't, to confront them; and I told them this. As I did, they grew up with a rageaholic; and always got caught up in the "why are they angry with me??!", missing the real issue. I am still working out the specifics on what my boundary will be; but, here we are. It has to be a boundary I WILL follow through with - otherwise, this last month has been a complete waste of my brain process. I will not let their actions stop me from going where I want to go, or be with the people with whom I want to be. How have you handled this type of situation, in the past? Does it sound familiar? What did YOU learn from it? We would LOVE to hear any insight you might have. Please contact the ministry via this website; or email us at Ozer Ministries, Inc - ozerministries@att.net ; or my email - Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com . Have a good day, and be safe!!! #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou #domesticviolenceiseverywhere #youarenotalone #doyouknow #boundaries

One of the things many people skip over, when they discuss working through their abuse, is the overwhelming sense of Grief you're left holding. It can be for any number of reasons - but the feelings you have are just as real, and important, as the abuse itself. If you don't process that Grief, right alongside it, if possible - it's kind of like walking forward, while leaving your stomach in a pile, behind you. THAT'S how important it is to process!!! Some of it could be the longing, "for what could/should have been", or the emptiness when you realize how little you really meant to someone. The list is endless, really - as are those feelings. Even an unfulfilled promise someone made to you - Grief is infinite. It also has NO time limit to process - years later, you could be driving you car, and pass something that triggers a memory - all those feelings come rushing back. You may be able to avoid it, temporarily; but it will keep coming up, until you deal with it. I'm not saying you have to LIVE in your Grief - I did that for a very loooooong time - believe me, not the most effective. But, ignoring it will NOT make it go away. I encourage you to stay as current as possible with your feelings - then you're more prepared when those "undealt-with" feelings come rushing back. You are less likely to get swept away by that "current"... Does this bring to mind any situations in YOUR life? We would LOVE to hear any insight you might have. Please contact the ministry via this website; or email us at Ozer Ministries, Inc - ozerministries@att.net ; or my email - Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com . Have a good day, and be safe!!! #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou #domesticviolenceiseverywhere #youarenotalone #doyouknow

Recently, I had a friend text me in a situation, where she needed support. I was in a meeting, and told her I could contact her after the meeting. She got ahold of another "Support Person", she has in her life; and they talked her "off the ledge", so to speak (she was NOT suicidal, btw). I talked to her 2 days, later; and I felt myself feeling a little "salty" over the fact I wasn't able to help her in that moment. I told her, "That's a moment you tell me it's a 911-type situation". THREE DAYS later, I was able to reconcile the FACT that I got my "feel bads" hurt, because she had someone else that was able to help her in that moment - and it wasn't me!!! HELLO??! I'm sitting here, now, feeling so grateful that she has such a good support system; and embarrassed that my ego was all up in that mess in my head!!!