Jul. 25, 2016

#NOMORE Why Don't You Just Deal With It??! (Connie J)

A pretty common response to ANY kind of abuse or trauma involves the words "Deal with it". Sometimes, it's easier said than done; though truer words were never spoken.

That being said, getting to the core reason of the problem isn't always so cut and dried. More often than not, their current Domestic Violence situation is NOT where their issues began, and is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

I'm in NO way saying it's the Victim's fault; however, this is not usually the first abusive relationship in their life. In reflection, there have probably been repeated victimizations: childhood trauma of some type - from sexual abuse to being bullied, to losing someone they love at a young age. They may have been raised in a Domestic Violence situation, and don't even realize it. The common theme is that they've never dealt with the past, really.

I've spoken before about Daryl's teaching of "The Old Dry Well". If you visualize an old dry well that's been covered up, and unused for years, there's old debris and leaves laying in the bottom. When you open it up to fresh rain, etc, all that scummy stuff floats on the top as it fills. As it gets to the point you can reach it, you skim off the scum and dispose of it to get to the fresh water beneath it.

This "skimming of the scum" is "dealing with the past" in this metaphor. If you do not do that, it can mix in and muck up the fresh, clean life you're seeking. Maybe only a little cloudy looking, but it's still there. Ignoring it and just "moving on" can only, usually, prolong the process.

The length of time this process takes depends on the person - some, it happens quickly; others it can take years. Much like grief, there is NO time limit.

The #NOMORE, #KNOWMORE I'm sharing with you today is, when someone tells you to "Just Deal With It" - don't just blow them off. Take a second and reflect, honestly, and if you have, by all means DO move on; but, if you REALLY have not, this is your perfect opportunity to work through it, and hopefully change your life forever. It's not easy, but worthwhile.

Have a good day, and be safe... 

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