Power and control, manipulation, etc...these are the primary "devices" a Domestic Violence perpetrator uses. Just hearing these words, they may not sound familiar; but if we look at their definitions and how they play out in real life, they take on
a whole new meaning.
Power - (n. 2) "The capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events."
Control - (n. 1) "The power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events."
- (v. 2) "Control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously."
Intimidate - (v) "Frighten or overawe (someone), especially in order to make them do what one wants."
(definitions courtesy of Google)
are supposed to be basically balanced - no one is "in charge"; and you shouldn't always do just what the other person wants.
Do you feel like you have no say in your relationship or your life? Does your partner try to limit where you go or who you see;
like friends or family? Have they caused you to lose jobs because they forbade you to go to work; or showed up there and harassed you, or hung out there so much you got fired?
I saw a situation, once, with a friend: We had gone to a movie, on her birthday.
Got home 10 minutes after the movie was over. Her partner was standing out in the driveway when we pulled in and started screaming at her when the car stopped. He had been told we were going, where and when the movie started and ended. His anger had been escalating
over the previous weeks; and that night , I knew when he did that in front of other people, he was being even more abusive when they were alone. There were 2 children in the house under 4 years old.
She had tried to leave with the kids, once; but
he had grabbed one and wouldn't put them down until she promised to stay. (She finally left him in 1993, and NEVER went back to him. He hasn't seen his kids for at least 20 years - his choices.)
One theme I've been sharing, a LOT, with my friends lately
has been, "You deserve better than that." - I will leave you with that thought. #NOMORE #KNOWMORE