Feb. 8, 2016

#NOMORE Breaking the Chain... (Connie J)

If you are involved in an abusive relationship, or seem to keep going for the same type of person when you ARE involved in a relationship; are you the first one in your family to have this issue?

Often times, this is a learned behavior - subconsciously, of course. I, myself, have not had a lot of relationships; but when I did, I just ended up confused.

Even when I was a clueless little kid, I knew I didn't think my parents were the same at home as they presented in public. They held hands when they walked anywhere, and would kiss each other goodbye when they parted. At home, there was a lot of yelling. Not all bad, mind you; but not all good, either.

My father had such a strong personality, and it seemed like my mother did not. (I have learned so much more since making this assessment back then, by the way). I knew I did NOT want to be the strong personality; but didn't want to be led around by the nose, either.

I had heard the phrase "evenly yoked", and was seeking that. Honestly, what I WAS doing, was trying to make myself be what I thought I was "supposed to be" in a relationship.

I was engaged when I was 25 (for 10 days!!!). We got engaged because the Singles Group we were involved in basically ended up all paired-up, and we were the last two left. Everyone expected us to get married. Good basis for a marriage, huh??!

I think if we had gotten married, I would have been verbally abusive. I still have to watch my tongue, today; even after all I've learned. When I feel hurt by someone, I have to make sure I keep my mouth shut until I process, or at least try. I do go through periods of time where I feel like I live in "damage control"; and I have to say "I'm sorry" so much, I apologize when I walk into a chair. Once again, this is where balance comes into play - a sometimes daily struggle.

If, or when, you are involved in a relationship, how do you handle YOURself? I think in every relationship, there are dominant vs less dominant people involved. As with anything, awareness, and what you do with this knowledge are key. If you operate "fist over the head" - why, and how can you achieve balance? Likewise, if you're fearful of your partner, and have let them "lead you around by the nose", what changes can you make to stop this behavior in yourself?

Thank you, and I hope I've made you think. Have a good day, and be safe... #NOMORE #KNOWMORE

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